Was it insensitive of me to take a photo of myself flipping off the cupcakes my coworker brought into the office? As I was taking the photo, he said, "You can't flip off cupcakes that were made for a one-year-old's birthday party!" Really? It don't matter to Jesus. Bring that one-year-old in here and I'll give her the bird right to her face; I've seen what size diapers she wears and she doesn't need to be eating cupcakes either. And you know what? The guy got the message: This morning he said he was considering bringing green bagels, but reconsidered because he's "learned his lesson." That's right. Nobody eats anything until I'm in shape for Speedo season.

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