Fists With Your Toes

Done and Done

I think the economy is quite capable of fucking itself, thank you! Related: Viridian going bankrupt before it can even open. Can I get a HA-HA up in this beatch?

Also too, Snuggie pub crawl anyone? Do I even HAVE TO ASK!?

Oh, and everyone's atwitter about tumblr censoring people today. And by everyone, like a dozen nerds. Personally, I've never cottened to any of this tumblr business, because it's like the same five people copying and pasting their oh-so-clever instant message conversations, all up into each other because they're ahead of some irrelevant tech curve. Plus, Typepad lets me mock Julia Allison as often as I want. Sure, it's a privilege I have yet to take advantage of, but isn't it nice to know I could? Like knowing the Metropolitan Museum of Art is there, just a subway ride away.

"We. Don't. Know."

"Somebody threw us into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean without a life raft and we're trying to determine what's the closest shore and whether there's any chance in the world to swim that far. We. Don't. Know." -- Rep. Paul Kanjorski

Did you know that the entire world economic system almost collapsed completely within a couple of hours last September, which would have resulted in martial law and the end of "our political system as we know it"? Not that anyone in Congress bothered to tell us about it, until now.

Here's Rep. Paul Kanjorski providing a sobering account of what went down that morning when, in a span of 2 hours, $550 billion was drawn out of money market accounts in an electronic run on the banks. The fun starts about 2 minutes in.

And nothing's really changed since, he says, except for increasingly devalued currency being printed and thrown at the problem.

My Blog is My Complaints Department

Also too, it is Friday and I STILL HAVE NOT RECEIVED MY MOTHERFUNNING NEW YORKER! And this is the issue with an old-timey portrait of President Obama on the cover. Don't make me sic my girlfriend on you again, New Yorker subscription call center! I've just about had it with you, I swear.

(That ought to do the trick; last time I bitched about this I started getting my New Yorker on TUESDAY, miracle of miracles. Not that I have any time to actually read the thing; I just like the cartoons.)

Will the Last One Fired Please Knock Over the Rolled Up Posters?

Goodbye, Spider Brain! Hello, Brain!

Reading about PRESIDENT OBAMA'S first day in office, particularly how he stressed that nutjob concept about public service, really hit the spot: "Public service is a privilege. It’s not about advantaging yourself. It’s not about advancing your friends or your corporate clients," Mr. Obama said. "It’s not about advancing an ideological agenda or the special interests of any organization. Public service is simply and absolutely about advancing the interests of Americans."  Crazy, right?

But I will miss the Onion's Bush-bashing; those guys really went out on a high note with their weekly series of articles describing Dubya's near-death experiences, in increasingly bizarre and wishful ways. The peak, for me, came a couple weeks ago:

WASHINGTON—President Bush collapsed to the floor of the Oval Office during a meeting with advisers when spiderlings hatched from thousands of egg sacs affixed between the hemispheres of his brain, according to a White House memo released Monday. The spiders severed the president's corpus callosum and ate through the motor-control center of the brain, doctors said, causing Bush's body to jerk involuntarily as a scurrying mass of crab spiders emerged from his mouth and crawled down his face. Witnesses confirmed that a number of spiders also discharged from the president's tear ducts. Secret Service agents restrained the president and carried him to the White House medical facility, but doctors said that by the time Bush arrived, the arachnids had already consumed his corneas, pupils, and vitreous humor. Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital.

Also too, a big FUCK YOU to Chief Justice Roberts for messing up that oath of office, turning what was supposed to be a euphorically transcendent moment into an awkward one. You know he did that on purpose, just to be a dick.

Wouldn't you?

This writer's studio ain't too shabby, huh?

Private Library from A Space In Time on Vimeo.

"I could do a lot more things if I had some money." -- Homer J.

Related, a blog about writers' routines:

INTERVIEWER

What are some of your writing habits? Do you use a desk? Do you write on a machine?

CAPOTE

I am a completely horizontal author. I can't think unless I'm lying down, either in bed or stretched on a couch and with a cigarette and coffee handy. I've got to be puffing and sipping. As the afternoon wears on, I shift from coffee to mint tea to sherry to martinis...

ME

I think I'll work from home tomorrow.

[Hat Tip Daily Dish]

Now that the election's finally behind us, let's get serious.

I nominate the picture with the big pile of money going up in flames and the villain who can't be bought, the terrorist who just wants to watch it all burn.

EXACTLY

Get on the bus!

Yes We Did.

On my way into work after last night's victory. I resisted the urge to go in for a fist bump.

FIRST?